CHANGES!

13 Jun

Hey there!

So over the last few months things have changed a lot.

I committed to my university (I am going to keep it to myself for now but I will let on that it’s in the big 10!) as well as graduating from high school.

But those are the more obvious changes. I have also changed a lot personally and have serious goals for improving myself. I want to become more open-minded and knowledgeable. I want to charge ahead full speed to changing the world and growing as a person. 

Therefore, I want my blog to reflect the changes in my life, therefore the blog will be changing gradually.

Some changes:

  • Basic physical changes (avatar, background, etc..)
  • Actual posts, I will still be posting some beauty, hail, nails, fashion posts but not as frequently and far more posts of intellectual and emotional content.
  • The quantity of posts will be going up, my goal is a few posts a week and hopefully I will be able to get into the habit of it while it is summer.

So keep your eyes pealed for these changes!

KS

68 Days To Prom- Weight loss is a battle.

9 Mar

Hey there,

I wish I had better news to report. I stepped on the scale and was thrilled to see 155.6! I have not been that low since freshman year! However, I ate way too much today (about 600 more calories than I should).

But what sparked this post was that I went prom dress shopping again and found a few dresses that look okay on me and I was so excited. Then I saw the other girls at the boutique. Skinny. Flawless skin. Long hair. I mean really, how was every single other girl there gorgeous? I just ended up standing there feeling like the ugly girl, like always. And it made me think about how this is what prom is going to feel like. Surrounded by my skinny and pretty friends I will once again be the fat and ugly friend. 

I have had these thoughts before but this time it hit me like a lighting bolt.

I am ugly.

and fat.

And for the first time in a long time I stared at the bathroom. I literally sat cross legged outside my bathroom door and stared.

I could be skinny.

If only I could starve myself. But I can’t. There is no way I could get away with anorexia. But physically removing the food afterwards- I could manage that.

For the record I have never forced myself to throw up my food. But for a couple minutes I honestly considered it. Instead I got up and did some cardio. Though, I can still feel the food sitting in my stomach. I won’t be throwing it up I promise but it scares me that it didn’t just cross my mind, I seriously debated it. I thank God that I am too aware of the risks.

But for a few seconds the risks and danger of bulimia felt less scary than being the fat girl at prom.

So I wouldn’t consider today a good day. If anything it was the worse I have had in months. And I am petrified that I am going to make a detrimental mistake. 

That’s all I have to report for today.

 

Thanks for reading,

KS

 

My Prom Dress Dilema

6 Mar

Hi there!

So as many of you know from my last post- prom is less than 72 days away, so of course I started looking at dresses.

Last weekend I went shopping in a nearby city and was incredibly disappointed. I would say around 80-90% of the dresses were strapless. And lets get one thing straight- I cannot and will not wear a strapless dress. I have size D cups and when I put on anything strapless my girls are all HEYYYY and in your face. And I know  for a fact that I am not the only girl to have this dilema. Actually most of my friends claim they are too flat chested to wear a strapless because they have nothing to hold it up. So why are so many of these dresses strapless?

Lets not forget the issue of modesty. I get that prom is fun and supposed to be one of the best nights of your life- but if you, like myself, are going with a male friend, than I really do not want to send any wrong messages by being immodest and even if you are going with a boy friend I still don’t think it is a very good idea to have your boobs hanging out.

Therefore I have been on the hunt for a pretty dress with straps or a collar or something.

But what I have found is a lot of this:

Sherri Hill Prom Dress 11085  #sherrihill #prom2014 #promdresses prom dresses prom dresses

and this…

Prom

Both gorgeous dresses like the thousands out there, but totally unreasonable. So now I am searching high and low for the rare gems like this:

pageant dress pageant dresses

I will continue searching for these mystical, appropriate, yet gorgeous dresses that have to exist somewhere besides Pinterest. Though, if anyone happens to know where I can find some in Minnesota please let me know!

Thank you!

KS

72 Days To Prom

5 Mar

Hello,

I know I have been absent for months. I apologize for that but my life has been chaos. I won’t get into the details but here is the situation, I posted about the difference in the way I was treated and how I saw myself after loosing 14lbs between June and October here: https://secretlifeofanhonorsstudent.wordpress.com/2013/10/24/the-real-difference/ .

However, since October I haven’t loss more than 2 pounds. I hadn’t really paid all that much attention to my weight until I was asked to prom about a week ago. Today I stepped on the scale and was incredibly disappointed by myself. Which of course means I need to get my crap together. The point of this blog was never to be solely a weight loss blog, but for the next 72 days it will primarily be about that. Hopefully blogging about it will help me really kick my butt into gear.

So here it goes.

 

Current weight: 157.2

Goal Weight (Prom): 150

Goal Weight (Ultimate): 130

I know that 7.2 lbs is totally doable in 2 1/2 months, less than 1lb a week is what I need and I know if I stick to a decent workout plan and eating healthy(ish) when possible I can totally do it.

I am going to be counting calories and exercising at least 5 days a week. I worked out for about 45 minutes today and will be trying to get another 30-60 in yet today.

Wish me luck!

KS

NOTD: It’s Electric by Sinful Colors

14 Dec

Hello!

I have not done a nail post in forever so I wanted to put up a quick post on my nails today.

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The name of this beautiful polish is “It’s Electric” and it is by Sinful Colors.

I purchased it at Big Lots (Warehouse type store, department store products sold for cheap, not sure if it is all over or just MN or the midwest) for $1 which is crazy cheap. Especially considering the color pay off. I chose to do two thin layers because it dries quicker but I have done one thick(ish) layer that got the job done.

I wouldn’t say that the lasting strength is very high quality but with a decent top coat it lasts a few days before chipping and a few more before it becomes so noticeable I feel like I have to take it off.

Overall, I really like this polish and would recommend it to anyone on  budget.

 

Sincerely,

KS

Dear Fangirls

1 Dec

Dear Fangirls,

I hate to be the one to break this all to you girls but someone needs to.

1) One Direction members, Justin Bieber, Luke Bryan etc… will never, I repeat NEVER marry you. Much less date or even talk to you. Having “Mrs. Future Bieber” accounts are a waste of your time. They will most likely never even see the desperate twitter replies screaming HAVE MY BABIESSSSS. And imagine some random stranger put that on your Twitter, wouldn’t you be creeped out and annoyed? Not  wanting to date them?

Celebrities marry 2 types of people; The most common is fellow celebrities and a few marry their high school sweetheart or friend. But I have never heard of a celebrity marrying a fan. So please stop planning your wedding to Harry Styles, get off of Twitter and look at that cute guy in your math class. HE will talk to you. HE might date you. HE could be your soulmate. Not a celebrity who will never know your name. It is just harming yourself to be stuck in a romantic fantasy that will never, ever happen.

 

2) The death threats and hatred towards their girlfriends needs to stop. I struggle to find non-offensive words to describe how immature that it. As I stated above you will not marry Justin Bieber so let Selena Gomez (K. I know they are not dating but go along with it) have him. Believe it or not celebrities have feelings too and that shit is not only immature and a waste of your time but cruel towards their girlfriends. All they did was like a boy you think is pretty great, so instead of hating them, try liking them for sharing the same taste as you.

 

3) It is dangerous. There is actually now a medical term for being obsessed with celebrities- Celebrity Worship Syndrome. And the dangers of it are not entirely known yet but having it can effect your mental healthy. Including being disconnected with your real life. People with CWS become so obsessed with worshiping (including stalking a 1D member) or wanting to be a celebrity that they lack friends in the real worlds and miss out on opportunities in their lives.
So don’t do that to yourself. Turn off your computer filled with celeb pictures and go to the mall with your friends. Not just for your enjoyment but for your sanity and safety.

 

4) The majority of America thinks fangirls are incredibly annoying. It is totally acceptable to really like a band, a certain actor, a TV show. But becoming obsessed with it is not only bad for you, but the more moderate (which is the majority of people) think your obsessions are freaky and annoying as hell.

So please, for your sake and my sanity, STOP FANGIRLING.

Thanks,

KS

Society doesn’t make me insecure.

24 Nov

Society Doesn’t Make Me Insecure

index

“Want to write a good essay? Blame society on something.”

This has been my motto for writing my essays in nearly every class since freshman year. Sounds predictable right? Well teachers eat it up every time. Because everybody wants to blame their problems on somebody, and what is better than blaming it on society.

Society is this giant thing that we all yell at but seem to forget that we are included in. This post isn’t about going Gandi and being the change you want to see in the world, but rather about how society actually isn’t the reason I am insecure.

Sure, it would be easy to say seeing all those skinny supermodels makes me strive (and starve) for physical “perfection”, but that isn’t true. I can flip through a magazine or see a movie with a gorgeous model/actress and walk away and eat a pizza. No guilt. No I wanna look that unrealistically beautiful thoughts.

What makes me fight with daily insecurities is my peers.

Not society.

I have been the “fat friend” for the last few years in my group and that, THAT is detrimental. Seeing my stick-thin friends complaining because they are now a small instead of an extra-small kills me. When all 100 pounds of them sits there complaining about how fat and ugly they are, that makes me throw out my lunch. Knowing that I am so physically inferior to the girls I see everyday is part of my insecurity.

Maybe that could be cured if I didn’t hang out with such gorgeous girls (They are certainly above average)  but I couldn’t do that. I refuse to sink to being that shallow. I would never stop hanging out with my funny, smart, and sweet friends simply because they are prettier than me.

However, anyone who is or has been the “fat friend” or “ugly friend”can vouch how traumatizing it is.

But there is something even worse than having thin, gorgeous friends:

Teenage boys. 

Sitting here I can’t think of a friend or even acquaintance who has never had a boyfriend or had a guy have a crush on her. And as far as I know I repel all men. I have never had a boyfriend and I don’t know of any guy having a crush on me.

And I truly believe that is what caused me to suffer with minor eating disorders and major insecurities.

Now, before everyone rips into me for being a shallow, immature teenager, please hear me out. Try standing in my shoes. Having all of your friends get asked to prom, and you doing their hair and taking pictures for them as they pose with their dates then going home and crying because you were the  ONLY ONE who didn’t get asked.

Imagine watching again and again as your friends get boyfriends and have guys chasing after them and you being the only one who doesn’t have that. Imagine sitting in the classroom watching as the guys in your classes flirt shamelessly with almost every girl except for you. Imagine your male friends telling you about how pretty X girl is and Y girl is but never you.

That is what hurts the most. I am reasonable and intelligent enough to know that my self worth should never be measured by anyone’s judgement, especially teenage boys. But it still hurts knowing that I am the “ugly/fat friend” and that no guy finds me attractive enough to show any interest in.

If you read my last post you know that I am changing and becoming more “attractive” by societies teenagers standards but I still have a long way to go. But I just wanted to show another point of view. How society and the media doesn’t make me cry myself to sleep, it is my pretty friends and knowing that to any average teenage guy in America I am not worthy of their attention. I am not looking for pity, just to inform.

Sincerely,

KS

The Real Difference

24 Oct

Since May of 2013 I have lost around 14 lbs. It does need to be clarified that I was overweight but never close to obese, just a little thicker than I should have been. I am now in the “healthy” weight according to BMI (which needs to be taken with a grain of salt). Though, I want to lose around 20 lbs more , which will bring me to the bottom of the healthy weight category! But I am already seeing a difference.

And the difference isn’t where you would think. I see the difference on the scale. I see the difference in my clothes. I see the difference in the mirror. But the real difference, the one that is really changing my life is that I see it in the way people treat me.

I never really believed it that prettier girls got treated better by everyone. I figured it was just teenage guys but that is far from the truth. I don’t want to come across as conceited by saying I am “becoming pretty” but I am getting closer to societies standards for being pretty. I am loosing weight, getting better at make-up, my hair is getting really long, and my skin is clearing up. And as this is happening I have noticed a large change in how I am treated.

Random strangers have been getting nicer and nicer. Waiters, professors, sales reps, everyone. And it isn’t just guys. My female friends have been inviting me out more and guys I have known forever have suddenly started texting me.

The sad reality of it is that the better looking you are by societies standards the more respected and attention you get. I am just starting to see this and will be doing more posts as I get more experience with this all and the other real differences but this is just the start.

“Did you know that if Barbie was a real woman with those proportions, she’d have to carry her kidneys in her purse?”

~Lani Diane Rich

Sincerely,

KS

I am Falling in love! Fall Tag!

29 Sep

Hey there!

Image

I have seen this tag (and similar ones) circulating around Youtube and the blogging community and thought it sounded very fun! So I am doing the Fall tag! Here it goes.

1. Favorite Fall lip product?

Any of my EOS lip balms. My lips get to dry in the fall and winter I NEED lip balms at all times to keep them moisturized.

2. Favorite Fall Nail Polish?

OPI’s Changing of the Garnet. It is a deep red with gold flecks in it, it is gorgeous!

3. Favorite Starbucks Fall Drink?

None. What? I do not drink coffee and the nearest Starbucks is over an hour away so I never go! Sorry.

4. Favorite Fall Candle?


For safety reasons I do not burn candles but I do have a scentsy and it is hard to pick my favorite scent but right now I have Baked Apple Pie going and I love it.
5. Favorite Fall Scarf or accessory.

My favorite fall accessory is a gray infinity scarf! It has silver running through it and it is basically perfection.

6. Haunted house, haunted hay ride, or haunted corn maze?


Haunted hay ride, because hay rides are automatically the best thing ever. I am so not kidding, I adore hay rides.
7. Favorite Halloween movie?

Halloween Town. Go ahead and judge me, I cannot watch scary movies!

8. Favorite candy to eat on Halloween?

Candy corn. I know some people hate it but it is my guilty pleasure but only around Halloween time.

9. What are you dressing up as for Halloween?!


I probably won’t be dressing up, the party I usually go to on Halloween is not a costume one 😦
10. What is your Favorite thing about Fall?

The fashion. The boots. The hot cocoa. The cuddling. The hay rides. Everything. I love fall!

 

I know this was kind of quick but I wanted to get something up before this school week started because it is going to be hectic as usual. Now time for twitter, oh I mean studying 🙂 I actually do have to go study for College Chem so wish me luck! And go follow me on twitter: https://twitter.com/HonorsLife

Sincerely,

KS

Pinterest Work-Out Routine #2

26 Sep

Hello!

So this is round two of a workout that it based on Pinterest! I love sitting on the fitness boards on Pinterest to come up with new routines to stay in shape so I wanted to share another one with you all!

1) All over.

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I I actually only do this twice, I know the picture says three times and that is okay if that is all you do but I am not in shape enough (yet!) to do it three times and the two below but if you can then more power to you!

2) Thighs.

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I do this once with an added 100 jumping jacks at the end. My thighs are one of my biggest insecurities and adding this to my routine has been helping!

3) Love handles.

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I do this twice.  I know spot reduction is not possible but this is a nice fat burner that helps with toning up your sides!

Good luck!

Questions? Ask away!

Sincerely,

KS

Amber Ablaze

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